you could be my silver spring
by tickingclocks02
Summary: "All the pain and the love I felt as a teenage girl floods back into my body, hot and electric... I just stare at him, unable to move forward with him in time, unable to reconcile the past with the present." Begins immediately after the events of Fall. Rory deals with her new role as a mother and discovers how past loves are still present in her life. Rory x Jess


_Part 1:_

 _The Wedding_

"I'm pregnant."

The words fall out of my mouth, heavy with the weight of every life that will be changed by this. In this moment, I can only think of one of those lives: my mom's life.

Mom turns to me, her blue eyes bright with shock. Her mouth drops open like she wants to say something, but she can't make a sound. She looks like she might cry.

"Rory," she finally says in a small voice. She sounds like she's sixteen again, like she's just discovered she's going to become a mother. "You're sure?"

"I'm sure," I say. A warm tear slides down my cheek.

Mom reaches out to me, and I melt into her arms.

"Everything is going to be okay," she says. "I _promise_."

"I know. It's just… I didn't want it to happen like this." My voice cracks on a sob.

Her grip on me tightens as I break apart. I feel my mom's unending love and I feel this child inside of me who needs my love and it's all too much.

"I need to be _everything_ for this baby," I choke out. "How did you do it, Mom? How did you take care of me all alone?"

"I wasn't all alone. And you are far from being all alone. I'm going to be right here with you the whole time, kid." She pulls away from me to look me in the eyes, her face shining with tears. "Are you sure you want to raise the baby?"

Cold flashes through my body, and my hand instinctively shields my abdomen. "Of course."

Mom nods. "That's what I thought." And then she just looks at me for a long time. Her smile starts slowly, but then, all at once, it blossoms into a full Lorelai smile, bursting with magic and joy. "You are going to be the most amazing mom."

I feel like I'm going to cry again, but I manage to say, "Thanks, Mom."

She takes my hand in hers, and suddenly I know that everything is just as it should be.

Later that day, I walk my mom down the aisle. She's wearing a blush-colored wedding dress decorated with flowers and airy tulle. The fall breeze rustles her veil. As I guide her up into the gazebo, up to Luke, I remember sitting in this very spot just hours ago, telling her about the baby. Luke is smiling at Mom, and I think of Logan. My heart feels heavy in my chest.

"Who is the father?" I hear Mom ask in my head. I hear her over and over again, and it hurts every time.

Logan's signature grin spreads wide in my memory. If I chose to, I could easily make that grin more than a memory.

 _If I asked him to marry me, he would._

It's a fleeting thought, one that will never come to fruition, but tempting nonetheless. Logan is not what I need, but sometimes he is exactly what I want.

But right now, it really doesn't matter what I want. In this moment, all that matters is Mom and Luke. This isn't my moment; no, this moment belongs to them and only them. I smile because there suddenly isn't any reason why I shouldn't be smiling. As the ceremony reaches its climax, they kiss, and the whole town cheers and cries for them. _Everything is just as it should be._

During the reception, we eat hot dogs and watch flash mobs. Mom dances with Luke and I don't think I've ever seen her look so joyful in her entire life. Her smile could light up the whole world. I spend most of the reception just watching her. Everyone around me rises to dance with her, but I just watch.

"Hey."

After slowly emerging from reveries about wedding dresses and Mom's smile, I turn my gaze up to the source of the low voice. Jess stands above me, almost smiling.

"Oh, hey," I say.

"You mind if I take this seat next to you?"

"No, not at all." I look around us and realize we're the only ones left at the table. "Wow, I guess everyone abandoned us."

"Yeah, I think they all followed Kiefer Sutherland out to the dance floor."

"Ah. I didn't even notice."

He eyes me suspiciously. "You okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine. I'm really happy for Mom and Luke."

"Me too. It's about time they got married, don't you think?"

I laugh. "You have no idea."

He smiles and drinks some of his beer. "Hey, could I get you something to drink?"

"Sure… wait, actually, no thanks. I'm good."

He raises his eyebrows. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," I laugh awkwardly.

He nods. "So, I wanted to ask you about how the book is coming along. You said you've already finished three chapters?"

"Yeah, three chapters." I feel myself smiling wide. "It's coming along really well. I've never written so fast in my entire life. It feels completely natural."

"I knew you had it in you," he says, smiling back.

"Yeah, you did. Thank you so much, Jess. I couldn't have gotten here without you."

He's looking at me strangely and I'm not sure why, but then I realize—one of my hands is on top of his.

"Oh, sorry," I say, pulling my hand away.

"No need to apologize," he chuckles. He's still looking at me strangely, and for a moment, I think that we're seventeen again.

"Hey," he says, "do you want to dance?"

I stare at him in disbelief for a moment before I respond. "Seriously? _You_ want to dance?"

"I want to dance with _you_."

I laugh nervously. "Jess."

"Come on," he says, grinning.

Jess holds out his hand toward me. I stare at his hand for a moment, the fingers reaching out for me, the palm wide open and waiting. Without saying a word, I place my hand in his. Sure fingers wrap around my hand. Unexpectedly, my heart stutters.

He guides me out onto the dance floor, and then he turns to face me, placing his other hand on my hip. Smiling at me in that subtle way of his, he leads me into a slow waltz. As I move with him, I feel like I'm floating through a dream. I soak in the image of Jess, familiar yet new: the hard angles of his face, sharper than I remember; the dusting of facial hair coating his jaw; and the eyes, dark yet warm, older yet exactly the same. I glance away from him for a moment, overwhelmed.

"I didn't know," I say a little breathlessly, "that you could dance."

"There's a lot you don't know about me," he says, his eyes glinting with mischief.

"I'm sure you're right. It's nearly been fifteen years since you left. A lot can happen in fifteen years."

His face softens with melancholy. "Yeah."

We both lapse into silence. Feeling uncomfortable with the sudden quiet between us, I say, "So, what don't I know about you?"

"Well if I told you," he says teasingly, "that would ruin the aura of mystery I've worked so hard to create my whole life."

"And wouldn't that be tragic?" I say sarcastically.

He chuckles. "Come on. I know that's the reason why you dated me."

I roll my eyes jokingly. "That is not why I dated you. Actually, I found the whole mysterious act to be pretty infuriating."

"I think everyone did."

"Then why not stop acting?"

"No problem," Jess says with a smirk. "What do you want to know about me?"

"Oh, I don't know. Did you ever learn how to cook?"

"I still can't cook much, but I can make you one hell of an omelet."

"I'm impressed, Bobby Flay. All I can cook is a Pop-Tart."

"It's nice to know some things never change." He smiles at me, his eyes glowing with that same strange, soft expression I noticed in them earlier. "Can I ask you something now?"

"Sure."

"If you didn't date me because I was mysterious, why did you date me?"

Smiling uncomfortably, I wait for him to say he's joking, but he doesn't. "Um, that hardly seems like a fair question to ask me in exchange for your omelet chef secret."

"True. Butif you answer this one question, I'll tell you all of my secrets, even the embarrassing ones."

"I guess that's pretty reasonable," I say, trying to sound relaxed even though my heart is pounding. "Well… I dated you because I felt like I could talk to you about anything. I dated you because I knew you were good, even when you didn't know that." Embarrassed, I glance away from him. "So… why did _you_ date _me_?"

"Because you were the one person who always believed in me, and you were the one person I could always believe in."

My eyes flutter back up to his in surprise. I don't know what I expected him to say, but I know I didn't expect to feel so touched by the way someone felt about me fifteen years ago. Too afraid to listen to more of his secrets, I change the subject: "Did you realize this is the first time we've ever danced together?"

"Yeah, I know. If I had taken you to prom, that wouldn't be the case."

"Oh, Jess, that was so long ago," I say hurriedly. "It's not a big deal anymore."

"No, it is a big deal." His brow furrows the way it always does when he's being serious. "I never apologized for all of that. For everything I did to you." He stops dancing, but he doesn't stop holding me. "I'm sorry I was such an ass when we were kids. I did everything wrong with you, Rory, and you just… you've always deserved so much more than I ever gave you. I'm sorry I treated you like that. I'm sorry I—"

"Jess, I forgive you. I… I forgave you a long time ago."

"Oh." He nods awkwardly. "Good."

"Why are you saying this to me now?"

"I guess I'm saying it now because… I miss you."

The moment those words leave his mouth, the world around us freezes in time. All the pain and the love I felt as a teenage girl floods back into my body, hot and electric. Finally, I understand the strange look that's been in his eyes all night.

"I didn't realize you still felt that way about me," I say quietly.

Still gazing at me with that strange soft love, he says, "Of course I do."

I just stare at him, unable to move forward with him in time, unable to reconcile the past with the present. But Jess is ready to move, ready to reconcile. His grip tightens on my hips. Motionless, I watch as his eyes close, as his head bows down toward mine.

Before his mouth can touch mine, I emerge from the haze of memories and I say his name, my voice surprisingly clear. He stops, and he opens his eyes. It takes a moment for his dreams to fade away from his eyes and for dark, solid reality to return to them.

"I… shouldn't have tried that," he says, sounding slightly embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. This isn't about you, Jess." Suddenly, my eyes fill with tears.

"What's wrong?"

I just shake my head in response, and then I break out of his arms. I head toward the road, walking quickly.

"Rory," he says earnestly, coming up behind me as I walk down the street. "If you need to talk… you can talk to me."

I cross my arms over my chest. "I don't think you want to know."

"I can handle it."

Abruptly, I stop in the middle of the road, and I turn around so I can look him in the eyes. He gazes back at me with so much concern that it makes my heart hurt.

"I'm pregnant," I say, my voice cracking.

He flinches as if I hit him. His mouth opens, but he doesn't say anything.

I turn away from him, and I trudge down the street toward home. Jess doesn't follow me.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I've been planning out this fic from the moment I finished watching A Year in the Life so it felt amazing to finally start writing it. These are some of my favorite characters ever so I'm very excited to explore them more through my writing. If you're interested in continuing with my fic, I will be adding on 4 more chapters from Rory's perspective (1 for each season-I'm writing another year in the life), and I will add on 4 mini chapters that take place in between the main chapters, each of those from the perspectives of various characters who are intimately involved in Rory's life. I hope you enjoyed the first part of the fic and I hope you'll join me in the future for more pregnancy fun and more Jess Mariano!


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